No doubt you have heard this saying before. So many people you speak to are often in two minds about their feelings around a change in life. I think a lot of us are good with the small changes - the day to day things, the ebb and flow of daily life. But when it comes to significant change - the change that really forces us to step out of our comfort zone (or pushes us!) and needs us to grow - those are the moments of change a lot of us struggle with.
You're not alone. We all feel it. I have not met a lot of people who will tell you straight up that they love it when there are big life changes happening - unless it's the ones they actually choose....and even then there is discomfort!
For a long time, I hated change. Any kind of change in life. I lived with such a strong need for certainty that any change, even the good kind, would unsettle me and I rarely handled it well.
It took a lot of conscious work to shift my mindset and learn that we have choices when it comes to change in our life. The choices all come down to how we react and respond and what we decide to do with it all!
This year, for me, there have been a lot of changes. I have really had to dig deep and learn to embrace it. I am going to admit - some of the changes did NOT come easily and I was gripping on to the past because I thought it was easier. It's a learning process for us all.
The next 12 months has, even more, change coming for me - in so many ways, and I am writing this today because earlier in the week, I woke up in the wee hours of the morning wracked with self-doubt about whether the changes coming were actually the right ones!
What if I had made the wrong decision?
What if the change was not the right thing?
What would I do if it did not work out?
What was I even thinking?!
I should have just let things stay the same!
Anyone else ever ask themselves those crazy questions?!
So now we know that we are all feeling the same way about change in life - how do some people handle it better than others? What are they doing differently to us?
SO glad you asked!! I have some thoughts on this for you and some things I have learned!
Change is inevitable, growth is optional
Change is the definition of life. You can not possibly be living life without change! So, if this is, in fact correct, then how we respond and react to it is up to us. Whether we learn and grow from it, is our choice.
Here is what I know for certain: the times in my life where I felt a change or was in the midst of change and I resisted - was when I was in the most pain.
Growth can be painful. Change can be painful. But NOTHING is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong.
It only takes one person
It only takes one person to change your life. YOU! Sometimes I find myself saying, if I knew then what I know now, I would have worried less, made more change.....blah blah! But the thing is, our life is our journey and we are all exactly where we need to be and I know for a fact that we can change our life at any moment. We can decide how we will react to change and there is no one on this entire planet who has control over that, except for you!
How you do anything is how you do EVERYTHING
This is not just about how we respond to changes in our life. This is about how we live our entire life. If we are going to choose to be mindful about how we approach change in life, then it is fair to say that it creates more mindfulness in other areas of our life.
The opposite also applies: if we are going to let life drag us along and be at the whim of everyone else's actions and behaviours and not be in control of what is happening in our lives and how we react, then it is not just one area in life - it is all areas that we are being dragged along in.
Embracing change takes conscious effort. It takes work but it is worth it in the end. Here are a few things that I try to remember when facing change (and what I had to remind my self of earlier this week!)
Be happy in anticipation of what's coming!
Changing how we focus on the change, completely changes how we approach it. So we have two choices here: we can either dread the change or anticipate the change. Even saying those two phrases changes the way the brain reacts to it. Dread versus Anticipate! We don't have to necessarily agree with the change but embracing it and recognising what we might learn and how we might grow from it will help us move through it!
Which one will you choose for a current change happening in your life?
Why is choosing that more empowering for you?
What would the outcome be if you chose the opposite?
Joy is the ultimate creator of all that is good in life - including change!
We get what we ask for.
Our language is so powerful. Our thoughts and words determine the vibration we have in the world. So even if we are not saying words out loud, how we face change and our thoughts around it, determine how it all plays out for us. With that in mind, if we continuously say, "I don't like change" - it is not going to be enjoyable for us at all! We get what we ask for and our language is the power centre for it all.
What will you ask for when you are facing a change in your life?
Why is it important that you use those words when talking about change?
How could you say it better?
It's not a terrible thing that we feel fear when we are faced with the unknown and change is uncertain. It is part of being alive. It is something we all share. Leaning into the unknown of change is vulnerable. It takes courage because we don't always know what is going to happen.
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly...
We don't know what is going to happen when life is changing for us. But we do know that we will learn something and grow from it. Don't give up too soon thinking your world is over!
Embrace the new stuff that is coming. Stop fighting the fear and holding onto old patterns of behaviour. Let it go so you can build your next chapter! Don't be afraid to lean in.
The most willing to lean into discomfort will rise the fastest. (Brene Brown)
What do you need to lean into?
What do you think you need to learn?
What growth have you had so far?
Where you resist, you must!
Oh, how we resist! I don't want to change! You can't make me! I want things to stay the same!
Have you ever felt this resistance? I feel this all the time and in the past, I used to ignore it and push it down. But when you do that, it just keeps popping back up until you learn what you need to learn! I learned that where I resisted changing the most, was where my biggest growth and learning was going to lie. The choice that scares you the most, the one you are resisting the most? Go and do that! That is where you are going to grow the most!
What change are you currently resisting or avoiding?
What are some steps you could take today?
Be okay with the messy part!
Change IS messy and awkward. I feel we judge ourselves far too often for not making our way through change with perfection! It is SUPPOSED to be messy. How will we see the beauty at the end if we don't go through the messy part first? Stop judging yourself for not knowing or having it all together or not having all the answers as you move through the change.
When nothing is sure, everything is possible!
Until next week...embrace the change with joy and anticipation!
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